Travis Johnson

Primal Porsche

I'm driving with Bob Franquiz on my way back from our coaching network in St. Pete.  It's a turnaround, same day drive in addition to sitting in a class room environment from early to late.  I thought I was hallucinating from sleep deprivation and exhaustion when I was getting on to I-275 south.

I checked over my shoulder to change lanes and caught a red Porsche in my peripheral vision.  The Porsche didn't startle me.  But, the monkey that was driving did.  I was passed on the interstate by a monkey doing 85 mph!  What?! 

I've seen some crazy stuff in my life.  As many of you know weird stuff follows me.  I'm rarely surprised.  But, my mouth is gaping and I'm waiting for Charlton Heston as George Taylor to wrestle the steering wheel from Cornelius in some sort of Planet of the Apes replay.

I put the hammer down on my silver Altima and caught up to the fine tuned Porsche which had a Florida license plate that read "Prime8."  Bob grabbed a couple pictures as I tried to keep the car between the yellow lines.  Maybe he'll post the pictures soon.  Bizarro!

UPDATE: Here's Bob's picture and his rendition of the story.

Bob Newhart: Stop it!

Case of Mistaken Identity

I read this and it got me chuckling. It reminded me of a conversation I had with my pops this week.

He was talking to a guy at his work who had visited our church.  He asked him if he was going to come back.  The guy said no because our church wasn't really his kind of thing.  However, he said the church he really wanted to go back to was "the one that meets in the movie theater."  He said the pastor is about "19 years old" and that church is his kind of place.  Sweet!

What To Do When You Are in BIG Trouble?

Tony McCollum has the answer.

Perception is Reality

I lied.  I can't stop blogging.  I hope that blog entry doesn't kill my traffic that I have been enjoying over the last few weeks.

Tonight after picking Kourtney up from her grandparents' house, we were driving home.  Whenever she takes a "Daddy trip" (just me and her), she always wants to listen to rock and roll.  Of course, I indulge her.  As Guns 'n Roses played "Knockin' on Heaven's Door," she turned down the volume and said, "Dad, why are they knockin' on KEVIN's door?"

The lesson?  Make sure what you are saying is what they are hearing.  What is being said and what is being heard are largely two totally different animals.

Top 10 Reasons Why Chicks Don't Dig Some Dudes

I'm inspired.  First, the recent Johnson Family Feud and overwhelming support from some real men around the world.  Second, the upcoming God-Love-Sex message series at LPC. In the thread over on my wife's blog some well meaning female suggested that men should sit...Ladies and gentlemen, you are witnessing the chickification of HuMANity.

I must now do my best to impart some wisdom into the vest wearing mama's boys that may read my blog.

Top 10 Reasons Why Chicks Don't Dig Some Dudes

10. Because some dudes will lie and say they believe anything to get the chick.
9. Because some dudes wear sweater vests and act like pansies.
8. Because some dudes have got bad moves and are creepy.
7. Because some chicks are psycho.
6. Because some dudes are too much of a nice guy and they think being stepped on is the way to a chick's  heart.
5. Because some dudes want some chicks to like them too much.
4. Because some dudes share how they feel too soon.
3. Because some dudes think you have to have great looks and cash to get a good chick.
2. Because some dudes think they are God's gift to chicks.
1. Because some dudes watch Christopher Lowell instead John Wayne.

Ticked at my Wife- Men, I Need Your Help!

My wife has just assaulted me on the World Wide Web.  It is an attempt to chick-ify me in front of the world and I simply can't stand for it.  First, let me say that when I asked her out on our first date, she said, and I quote, "I will only go out with you if you will stop being so cocky."  My response was, "You are lucky I even called."  Now, I will admit that there was some gamesmanship involved on my part.  I wanted to go out with her badly.  But, I could not let her know.  That's how the game works.

My perspective on life has not change.  I was no sweater vest wearing pansy when we married.  I am no panty waisted little petunia today.  I am the King of my castle and simply cannot afford to back down in the face of this open rebellion!

At this very moment, she is hyping up a bunch of hormonal man-hating chicks over on her blog.  It looks like a lynch mob and I'm the target.  I seriously need your help.  Please spread this news far and wide.  If a man ever needed his friends, that time is now!

MEN ONLY - go here and help rescue me from this crowd of Angry Hormonal Females!!!

RATS! This Brings Back Memories!

This brings back memories.  We had a sign just like this posted outside of both locations of our church in Chicago (Humboldt Park - Spaulding Ave and Western Ave).  It was freaky the first time I saw the sign.  Then, I saw the rat.  I tried to leash it and return it to its owner until I realized the rat was not a dog.  Thanks to Randall Friesen for the picture and the humor.

Weekend at Fidel's?

With all the speculation about Fidel's health, I had to do some research myself.  My investigative abilities turned up this groundbreaking photo!

If you enjoyed Fidel, you may want to check out my Janet Reno picture (not a photoshop) and my Elian Gonzales (maybe a photoshop).

Technorati Tags: Fidel Castro - Janet Reno - Elian Gonzales

Ping Pong Matrix

Forwarded emails can be annoying.  As you can see here, they are sometimes incredibly creative and funny.  So, I pass along a forward and pray that I do not reap more.  I give to you- "PING PONG MATRIX!"